tomorrow night, I'm not asking

This week, for the first time, we haven't stayed overnight at the hospital with Mom every night.  We were having trouble Saturday night figuring out transportation for Sunday morning, and she can reach the new squeeze ball nurse call contraption.  It seemed to be OK with her when we said we'd be going home, and we'd see her after church.  So far, so good, we thought.  Sunday night my sister stayed. Monday we asked her if she wanted company for the night; she said no.  Last night she said yes, so I stayed.

Tonight I was more organized than usual and even had yogurt and other breakfast items with an ice pack so I wouldn't have to spend money for breakfast other than coffee.  However, when I asked if she wanted me to stay, the answer was no.  So I gathered my things, Dad and I said goodnight, and we started to leave. "Wait!" she said. We turned back.  "Wait, I'm coming with you."  And she moved a little as though to get out of bed.  Which of course she can't do; she can't even sit up yet without two people's help, and even then it exhausts her after a few minutes.  It just about killed me.

So I went back around the side of the bed and held her hand and kissed her again and said we were so looking forward to her coming home, but she couldn't come home with us till she was better.  And that we knew she would be coming home with us later on, just not now.  And that if she would keep working hard - and eat - she'd be home all the sooner.

Did she want me to stay?

She shook her head again, but looked - what? baffled?  sad?  tired? all of the above?  Does she think we're just abandoning her in the hospital?

I am done in.

Tomorrow night, I'm not asking.  I'm just staying.