1. Learn to identify the sound of a falling mango: rustle-rustle-thump. Go collect it. Alternatively, wait for the winds before a big storm, stand beneath the mango trees, and make sure not to get hit by falling fruit.
2. Method one, learned at the Port-au-Prince convent: Slice end to end, starting at the wider end, off center (along the side of the flat center seed). Using a fruit knife, go around the edge of the fruit inside the skin, then cross-hatch. Eat with a grapefruit spoon, if available. Do the same to the other side. Then lose all sense of neatness by peeling the middle third by hand and just having at it with your teeth. Go wash your hands and face. Don't even begin to think that a cloth napkin will suffice for cleanup.
3. Method two, learned in Darbonne: without making a cut in the mango, bang it on all sides till it becomes mushy inside. Make a small hole in the skin at the top, and drink the mango pulp from it.
4. Method three: Peel it with your teeth - or for those of us who are a little fussier, with a knife - and just eat. Over a sink, if possible.
5. Have a hose ready. Perhaps you should have eaten that mango while wearing a bathing suit...
7. Start listening for that rustle, rustle, thump! Surely there must be another mango around here somewhere!